Back to Blighty: August 1 - September 5 2015.

It's always tempting to comment on the changes you notice when you return to your homeland after a prolonged absence. So, not being great at resisting temptation, here goes.

1. Nobody used to overtake on the inside on motorways and if someone was hogging the overtaking lane they'd be flashed to pull over. For the first time I noticed this rule being broken, with drivers choosing to pass on the slow lane rather than challenge a lane hogger. Wonder why this has changed - fear of road rage reactions or laziness or overseas habits creeping in (Australians use the slow lane as a fast lane because lane hogging is so bad.)

2. The highways and byways were full to overflowing with ripe blackberries during our stay, yet we only saw one other person picking them - and that was just a chap on his way home from work having a taste while he walked. We picked kilos of them, much to the amusement of our various friends and family upon who we bestowed the excess bounty.

3. The dreaded dog-poo bags have hit the UK too, with the same silly human response that we've noted elsewhere; that dog owners invariably do the right thing while people are watching, collecting deposits with little black bags, but then a lazy few then completely undo any good by hurling the offending bag into the bushes or beside the path. Now I'll accept that some might be walking back that same way and will pick up the bag then but this obviously hadn't happened with the bags we saw littering otherwise pristine Scottish highland walking paths or the Yorkshire moors. Yuck.

4. Food standards continue to improve, but this time prices have risen too.

5. Economically the whole country appears to be bustling and busy, even in quieter rural and regional areas. Building and development everywhere - with attendant price rises the only downside.

6. Half the country seems to be gluten intolerant. Seriously, it's out of control! Although, to be fair, several folk we visited who are now avoiding gluten suspected there had been a problem for many years but only had a official diagnosis without the last 5-10 years or less. Is this a new issue or simply a sign of greater awareness? Let me know if you have answers/theories.

7. Cheesy chips are out and sweet potato chips are in.

8. Oversized, under flavoured coffees are slowly being replaced by smaller, stronger coffee and the hipster trend towards single-origin brews and coffee "science" is slowly emerging; it's one of the few areas where Melbourne is ahead of the game and I was shocked by how much of a coffee snob I've become.

9. The Essex accent has taken over England's south east; Victoria Beckham has a lot to answer for. Innit.

10. We were really lucky with the weather we had in Scotland and were happy to pay relatively high accommodation costs to explore an area I'd never visited and John had previously enjoyed, but we fully understand why most of our fellow travellers were foreigners and why most Brits tend to go south, lured by cheap package deals and predictable sun and warmth.

11. I never realised so much of the uk's national parks and woodlands were privately owned. The benefit to the nation is that the cost of upkeep is largely born by the (presumably rich) owners. The downside is relying on them to do the right thing; maintenance standards are covered by legislation but not sure how effective policing is. While I have mixed feelings about walking the gorgeous Yorkshire moors surrounded by shooting ranges and teeming with specially bred pheasant (and grouse?), birdsong punctuated by the sound of distant gunfire, I applaud the move towards replacing plantation timbers with mixed deciduous trees.

12. You can get cider with 10-12% alcohol. Scary.

13. Hipster culture seems universal - beards, skinny jeans, check flannel shirts, retro cool, micro breweries, fixie bikes, fair trade stuff, VW Kombis and espresso coffee are tropes repeated throughout the western world.

14. Shopping is a lot less fun since globalisation took hold. Same stuff in same stores everywhere.

15. Cyclist in the UK are very brave, not just in city traffic; I wouldn't ride down those narrow country lanes on a bike. Still England's recent cycling successes have spawned a huge rash of riders out and about, with the inevitable angst rising between cars and bikes. Be interesting to see how the tension is resolved.

This is all in addition to the general news of the day – horrific issues facing refugees fleeing Syria and elsewhere, and the often polarising responses this provokes in nations already feeling the strain from constantly growing populations. Britain feels very full when you're in traffic, but still looks very empty when you fly over it and see all the green spaces between the towns and villages.

It was glorious driving into Ely and Salisbury and seeing the respective cathedrals standing proud as the tallest building over the surrounding city; a very rare sight in Australia, which could learn a lot about regionalisation and compact, low-rise dwellings from Britian.

And of course all this is secondary to the main event that drew us to England - my niece Tegan's wedding to her long-time partner Chris Smart. What a wonderful day, with their four children and many siblings and friends forming the bridal parties. And Tegan's dad, my brother Andy, making his first day visit from hospital since he went in for a 'simple' operation in January. Great to see him up and walking – he has since progressed to walking without a stick – and even giving a speech ... with impromtu jokes included! Huge progress, but still many challenges ahead.

We managed a 10-day loop around the country, taking in as many friends as we could contact and fit in, from Ely and Ipswich to Yorkshire and Scotland, Wales, the Cotswolds and Devon. Apologies to those we didn't see; with luck the next visit, though shorter, won't be too far away and I hope we catch up then.

Thanks to all for your time, hospitality, generosity and patience with the often-fluctuating plans. We had a ball and we'll soon be back for more.

Rooibos and razor wire

It's a good thing we can't afford long-haul flights too often because, without the excitement and novelty factor, it would be pure drudgery.
Airport by 4.30am. It's not often I'm waiting for a coffee shop to open at 5am. 6am flight to Sydney. At 11.30am we're back, flying over Melbourne having completely wasted 5+ hours. Ah well, at least the views over the snowfields were spectacular. The next 13+ hours were all over water and cloud, which was still ok to watch, but near-neighbours got grumpy with the light reflecting on their video screen so down the blinds went.
Watched the Second Marigold Hotel but for once there weren't many films on offer that appealed. Although did catch an episode of the excellent Open Slather comedy show on Foxtel, which we don't have. Crafty lot don't even allow it on YouTube.
Finally a peek under the blind revealed a spectacular mass of red-brown hills – probably somewhere over KwaZulu Natal – and we landed on African soil. A first for both of us.
Huge queues for passport control then customs was a poster on the wall, one guy in uniform and another guy wandering around baggage control with a sniffer dog.
Dagmar's excellent directions got us and the hire car home and we were introduced to Life Behind the Razor Wire.
Rioting in the streets might be a thing of the past but security is probably still the No.1 industry in SA, possibly followed by domestic help. Around here the streets are dotted with little wooden guard sheds where security guys camp out overnight, doing street patrols.


Life on the Wild Side

So after five days in the Jo'burg urban jungle, we headed out bush (or bushveld, should I say) and have had five days in Kruger National Park, plus a day or two getting here via the Blyde Canyon Park. Latter was very reminiscent of the Blue Mountains in the pinnacle and other formations and it was good to finally get out and do some walking; people drive everywhere in town. White folk, anyway.
Our Joburg host Dagmar does go for a run every morning after dropping of Kayda at school (7am at bus stop for 7.45am start - finish at 2pm then compulsory extra curricula stuff (sport etc) and optional homework classes) but only because she had the dogs with her. Even mountain-bikers have been ambushed and robbed of their bikes in the area.
As it turned out the walking was short-lived because in Kruger you can't get out of your car while you're in the main bit of the park – only in camps and a few designated bird hide or other viewing areas – sooooo frustrating for plant and bird nerds who wan to get a closer look at stuff. But an interesting take on viewing animals; the humans are in the cages and the animals free to roam.
And it can be particularly reassuring when you have a mature African elephant bearing down you, ears flapping and not looking too hospitable. Then even a tinny Ford Ikon feels a bit insubstantial. So far they've all been bluffing though. Or completely unfazed by your presence.
We've been lucky enough to see heaps of different animals so far – about 25 mammals, heaps of crocodiles and a couple of snakes, plus about 70 bird species. Yes, I've been counting. Nerd.
What we're hoping to see more of when we head to the southern park of the park today is cats; so far only one leopard and that was at a distance and frankly I missed it until a couple in another car pointed it out. The north is hotter and drier (we crossed the Tropic of Capricorn to go to one camp, Shingwedze) and the landscapes are dominated by Mopane scrub – rather attractive semi deciduous trees that stay stunted on the plains but reach 5-8m along water courses, with butterfly-shaped pairs of leaves that turn gold and russet-brown in the dry winters, creating a colourful vista across large expanses. There are also mahogany trees (tall, dark, ancient looking things) luminous-green fever trees, darker leadwoods, classical African-looking "flat tops" and prickly acacia species.
Apparently there is more open grassland (veld) down south, so you get larger herds of animals and they have fewer places to hide, so spotting is easier.
Mind you, we've seen herds of 100+ water buffalo, groups of 30 or so elephant, and similar-sized herds of zebra and impala.
We've come enticingly close to the great, grey-green greasy Limpopo, famously all set about with fever trees; we'd have to go a bit further north to actually see it. And we've looked across the mountains to Mozambique but no time to visit (and no visa).
While the actual springboks are only found in the west of the country, we've seen the Springboks lose at rugby to Australia and NZ (and discovered rugby is still a whites-only sport - soccer is the sport of blackfellas, and the top two teams come from East and West Orlando in Soweto – the Kaiser Chiefs and the Pirates – so huge but friendly rivalries). We've met some lovely folk of all colours and so far not been ripped off or felt threatened – although there was a bully of a boer shouting at the staff here yesterday who I felt like tackling but thought it would probably only make matters worse.
Prices are VERY low, especially anything that requires labour, and for food and drink. You can get a good bottle of wine for $5-$10, and a great meal from $3-$10. Our cheapest has been chicken livers and pap (maize done like polenta but white) with salsa in Soweto for a coupla dollars and the most expensive a 350g steak and the works in a resort for $11. Accommodation can be more expensive because many places charge per person, rather than per room, but it's still lower than Australia (we've averaged $200 per night in Kruger, including conservation fee charges). A double at the Soweto backpackers is about $40.
Housing is also incredibly cheap (a friend is selling a huge four-bed home overlooking the city on three titles for about $250K. Can't buy a one-bed flat for that in Melbourne.) But forget coming over here for your next real estate investment - you can't take more than a certain amount out of the country. And I'm not sure Joburg is a desperately healthy place to live. Dagmar says a lot of people here suffer from sinus problems, possibly due to the cold, dry air, but I think more likely due to the brown cloud of pollution that hangs over the city; coal and wood fires are still the main form of heating for most people and there's no apparent regulation of car/truck exhausts.

The great divide

So I had written a long blog about life in Jo'burg but I've lost draft twice now. Stupid Blogger.
It's quite confronting being hidden away behind high walls topped with razor wire and electric fences, watching young black kids cycle around happily on the other side. Our host, Dagmar, did tell us it was OK to walk around outside during the day but not at night. And some areas she wouldn't go to at all.

After 10 years Dagmar is leaving, partly because of the constant stress of security and lack of freedom. She's endured at least one armed robbery and has had her house completely stripped of everything by a gang who tied up her maid and daughter and held them at gunpoint.
However we felt totally safe on our tour of Soweto and regularly left the group of 8-9 bikes to wander off and explore a sight or to eat. But then we were with locals and I also felt quite uncomfortable riding down some of the narrower laneways between the older shanties, which were set up a men's quarters for workers – women weren't allowed near the place; now a family lives in a room that once housed eight men – some families have two rooms. Still not great but better, although I don't think I could cope with the communal toilets they have in those areas. And foul-smelling water running down some lanes, suggesting the sewerage needs an overhaul.
In other parts of Orlando – over towards where Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela's former homes are – the houses are quite modern and substantial and there are now big European cars in the streets.
Then there's the conundrum of the six or more huge four-storey apartment blocks, newly built to great fanfare in the past five years, which are still standing empty because, according to our guide, no-one can afford the rent of R800 a month. That's $80. He says R400 would be ok. There are obviously people in the area with more money than that but now all the apartments are going to waste, vandalised with broken windows and locked up behind high security fences and guarded from squatters. Doesn't make any sort of sense and I wonder if it's not more a political football behind the obviously quite well organised locals, who've boycotted the place en masse, and the government.
Poverty line income is I think about R1000 a month, and nearly 50% of the population live below that. Unemployment is at least 25% and worst for men aged 16-35, esp if you're black. There are people at every junction selling stuff or asking for donations for keeping the place safe; sae with parking your car – someone will come running up and offer to 'protect' it for a small consideration. There's no intense threat behind it and you pay when you leave (about R2-5 ($0.25-$0.50) will do) but it's the only income a lot of people have. The divide between rich and poor is greater here than anywhere else in the world, apparently.
Many sleep on the street and there are little shanty shacks everywhere, even along the side of the motorway.

Update
We saw three leopards and two lion sightings, including a family of about six with a few cubs and females right at the side of the street. Trouble is, there are in those cases about 20 other car-loads of people trying to see and the resultant crazy traffic jam detracts from the joy a little. Ah well. Got to see several rhino up close on the other side of the fence at our last stop – including a family of three – without having to share with anyone. Wonderful.
Flying to UK tonight. Red-eye special. Not looking forward to it but will be great once we're there. See you soon!!!